The Unique Love

The Unique Love

By Shuwen Chen

Posted on 04/10/2014

Inheriting the Ancient Virtues of Motherhood

Childhood starts periods of innocence, curiosity, revolution, rethinking and eventually maturity. During that time, they meet people from playmates to business partners. Nevertheless, the only presence through out all changes is motherhood, which has endlessly altruistic love and contributions for the family.

            In China, there was a famous philosopher, who shared the same prestige as Confucius in China’s feudalistic society. His name was Menci. Knowing that every successes of a man is back by a woman. This is true of Menci’s story, and that feminine push behind his long-lasting praise was his mother, Li. Li was born in a royal family and adept in children education. After marriage, Menci’s family was poor and his father abandoned the family for fame and gain. After three years, Menci’s mother received bad news of the death of her husband. She healed from the sorrow of her husband’s death and continued to educate Menci into a sagacious person.

            The spirits of Li have been well-known models for all mothers in China for thousand of years. One of her mightiness was, based on the different development periods of children; she provided various levels of education for Menci. At the time when Menci was curious, Li moved from near a graveyard to a market town, because she realized that Menci began to mock funeral attendance, such as carrying a coffin or burying dead bodies as games. In the market town, Menci learned bargaining from peddlers, which Li knew it was not an ideal surrounding for Menci study.

On the third moving, Li settled near an education institution and found positive developments from Menci. However, in Menci’s period of revolution, he began to be absent from school and lied to his mother about why. Once, Li was sewing on a loom for living, and she cut the half-done fabric because Menci came home earlier. “Mom, why did you do that”? Menci asked confusedly. “ Learning is like sewing a fabric on the loom machine that needs each individual weave to accumulated over time. Persistence and unremittingness are the only ways to gain erudite knowledge. Escaping from school is like a broken loom that is unable to weave”. Since then, Menci started to follow his mother’s advises and became a great thinker and educationalist.

Li also importantly evaluated the early development of Menci’s morality. One day, their neighbor was grinding a knife to kill a piggy. “What are they doing, mother”?, Menci asked curiously. “ They are killing a piggy”, Li chuckled, and continued, “for you to consume”. Li was repented instantly after her answer, she thought, this piggy was not killed for my son, why did I lie to him? Wasn’t I teaching him to lie? In order to redeem her mistake, she bought the pork from neighbor and cooked for Menci with a lesson: follow the action with the word.

Menci’s mother has been always thoughtful for the family, even when Menci was adult; she never loosens her supervision and teaching. During the Spring and Autumn Warring dynasty period, Menci’s political propositions have been refused by emperor of Qi. He has wanted to travel to Song dynasty for adapting his propositions by Song’s emperor. However, Menci was worried about his old mother at home and her lack of care.

Li was heedfully considered the situation and told Menci, “ Youth obey to their parents, wives obey to their husbands, and elders obey to their sons”. After mother’s edification, Menci traveled between countries with his political propositions and they were adopted in several dynasties. 

I believe that all mothers in the world share the same traits with Li, and with those they always wish the best for their children whether in the beginning or the end of their life.

Her Stories, Our Bedtime Fantastic Lessons

It is less than a week until my birthday. For the last past twenty years, there is one person in my life, who never gives up on me. Whether illnesses or disappointments, my mother always loves me. I remember when I was four, when the moon was hanging high in a clear dark sky, my brother and I were excited for our bedtime stories from our mother. In her story pocket, the signature ones included, The Wolves, The kidnapping Witch and the Wedding dummy.  Like all other bedtime stories, she always concluded with lessons from them.

 “Be adaptive in any situation is a wise way to survice”, was a lesson from the funny Wedding dummy story. Every night, mom reminded us to be in bed at 10pm. She patted the blue and pink pillows for my brother and I. Then, she grabbed two corners of the clean white blanket and laid on bed. Next, she flipped one of the blanket corners, and then we were like two little sheep being rushed onto the green ranch. She laid softly near us while a hand held up her chin, then she looked gently at us, and began with the usual story line, “Once upon a time”, while she was putting another hand on my chest. “ A dummy got an asking from his wife to delivery the gifts for two couples on their weeding, ‘go straight to there and do not delay for the wedding time’, the wife emphasized”, mom continued. “The dummy was going straight to the wedding, he walked straight through a big bush and crossed straight in a river”, mom chuckled. “By the time the dummy arrived at the wedding, he found that all the gifts were lost in the bush or washed away by the river. He was afraid, therefore, he hide himself in the bathroom”. Brother and I curiously opened our eyes, “what happened next, mom”? Brother quickly asked. “ A guest in the wedding walked in to use the toilet. ‘Do not throw the food away, I have not eaten yet’, said the dummy”. We all laughed. After that, my mother pulled up our blanket slightly as we were asleep.

The Coffee Fears & the Fair Trading Love

When I was older, my mother had to work in the local fisheries for a living. One day, my grandfather offered me a coffee. It was the first time I had a horrible coffee experience. I stood silently behind my grandpa when he was holding a water pot for making instant coffee. “What have I done”? Grandpa was feared because he did not realize my presence, therefore, he poured the water in the pot on me, from my head to back, when my head hit and broke the pot. Immediately, I cried loudly. My mother arrived home at that time, she looked at my back and her tears were dropping. She bent down and said, “Everything is alright”, then she braved a smile. She turned around, and dialed to called my father. At the same time, her tears were pouring, because my father could not drive me to the hospital. Quickly, she went out and came back with our neighbor after fifteen minutes. Both of them took me to the emergency room. For the next three months, I had to lay on my chest with medicine on my burned skin in bed. From days to nights, my mother has stayed closely with me despite being her fatigued. “I thought that I would lose you on that day”, she recalled.

In China, the dominance of a patriarchal mentality is confirmed, which means the older generations traditionally value sons over daughters in a family. “Your brother is smart”, “ let your brother have that”, “he knows it, how could you not”, I was not exclusively in this unfair culture. That unfairness was even at our daily dinner table.

Sweet and sour fried fish, steam crabs, lobster meatballs with green beans and three other delicious dishes were prepared for that dinnertime. At the pink and oval marble table, my parents sat on the left, brother and grandmother sat on the right and I sat at the end in the middle. Brother and I, we both like the eggs inside the crab shells. My father was opening all crabs and spited them among us. However, there was always a cluster of last crab eggs to be shared. “Dad, I want that”, I said naughtily. Later, grandmother reached her arm over and picked up the egg cluster, “you had enough. Your brother is a boy, he should eat more”, she said that with peek at me. My mother smiled at me, and she snapped the tail of the fried fish. “But you have the only crispy fish tail on the table”, she said while dipping the fish tail into the sweet sauce. After all, I understood that there is no unfairness in bless of motherhood. To emphasize that, I understood it as my mother giving the unique fried fish tail on my bowl, so, I did not feel unfair about the last cluster of crab eggs. 

           

Raised, Accompanied and Letting Go

            In parents’ eyes, their grown up children are always the children. It is true. It was like in the mid-August, when osprey juveniles just learned diving into the water for fish in an early morning. At the moment, the parents were observing far away on a tree branch. Rather failed or succeed, osprey parents seemed to understand there is a kind of love, which is letting children to independent.

            “Mom, I am coming back home for this Christmas Break”, I told her over the phone. My mother would ask me what kind of food that I want for welcome home meal.

            After six hours of driving from school in Syracuse to New York City, I finally arrived home. As usual, I rang the doorbell once and heard my mother rush to the door, “You are back”! She said gladly. Meanwhile, I ran into the house and started to hold Lilac. Mom looked at Lilac jealously and said, “what about me”? All the sudden, I felt that she needed my attention and we hugged, I was ashamed but loved.

            A year after I moved to SUNY-Environmental Science and Forestry College in Syracuse, my brother was accepted to work in a professional network company, LinkedIn, in San Jose, CA. Before brother left, my mother cooked every meal with his favorite food and kept finding topics to talk about. Just the night before his flight, my mother took out the old photos that she preciously organized in a white album. Her gray hair looked extraordinarily bright under the gloomy desk lamp. She was flipping each page carefully, and afraid that wrinkled fingers would damage the photos, which were wrapped with crystal-clear plastic. I looked through a crack between the door and its frame, and saw that her slightly curved back showed her age.

“Mom, thank you for fulfilling your mother’s duty over these years”, I appreciated and whispered to myself.

Story reference retrieved from: http://guoxue.zhyww.cn/201205/60814.html

                                                A Late Coming Letter

                                                                                                                                   02/4/14

Dear Mother,

            Mom, today I was reminded to that I was not a dutiful daughter. That is because for so many years, I never wrote you a letter to appreciate you for your great motherhood. I hope that at this moment you do not blame for my long-term negligence, and I do not want to miss second chance to confess.

            Time gradually flashed back to my childhood, due to some family issues, you had to take the little me to live in another village. In that small and humble-brick house, you gave me very happy childhood memories. Do you remember the cause for my nickname? As I was growing up, you used to whisper to me in bed. You said that, one-day, a little quail broke into our house. The cooing sound of it called for nights and days. Until, I finally mocked the calling. Our neighbors and you were extreme entertained by me. The next day, the uncle from next door came by and jokingly asked: “small quail, where is your friend”? Since that, I got my nickname: the little quail. About two years ago, cousin Brandon, complained about that because his family has a nickname for him, and he does not like it. In my opinion, it was a mark from childhood, which recorded the happy memories.

            Mom, I admit that sometimes I like to bicker with you, but you are always in my heart with all my respect. It is because on the earth, no one is like you, who is as caring and supporting as you. The time when I choose to leave home for a college in Syracuse, father arbitrarily questioned my independent ability. However, you were able to see past your sadness and gave me a kind smile, and you said, “It is a good opportunity to go over there, for enhancing English speaking and learning to be independent”. In your words, you seemed to know that such a day would come, which is to allow me to explore on my own. Also, you were prepared to know what to say when the time came. Since that day, your supports have been encouraging me to live through all the long and cold winters here.

            In the year of grandfather’s death, I was too young to comfort your guilty heart. As a foreign wife, you married to father in another city, which was far away from your home. For many years, nevertheless, I felt that you were eager to be home again. Because of our family, you could not be around him on his last journey. You recalled that night, when you cried in a room alone, I passed you a tissue without a word. Recently, grandmother in California is unwell, although, you made the same decision to stay with our family. Mom, I am apologizing to you. Because brother and I have grown up, therefore, it is time for you to accompany grandmother. The reason is that I do not wish to see your tears of guilt again. If there is a day that you are sick, my heart cannot wait to be around you and take care of your daily diet.

            In Chinese tradition, a family dinner is indispensable.  It began from the year in college, the school regulations do not allow Chinese New Year holidays, and this is resulting my absences to go home. Although, I watched the firework shows on Chinese TV channel alone, but at least I have my colleagues to spend time with. Differently, you in the distant city had to have the dinner alone and I know that you needed a family reunion dinner more than I did. Mom, I am making you a promise, on the next coming years, I will go home for you. It is because I am, your daughter desperate to see that kind and happy smile on you, as well as enjoying the delicious food that you cook.

            If we truly have a chance for another life, I will still chose to be your dutiful daughter, who will spend time with you, love you, care for you and bring you to see the fireworks until life ends.

                                                                                                              

                                                                                                              Love, daughter

                                                                                                              Shuwen Chen